


Don't

by chronicAngel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, POV Third Person, Slurs, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 08:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20355535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronicAngel/pseuds/chronicAngel
Summary: He says yes.Why wouldn't he say yes?





	Don't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [promiseimnotjohnkin (doesitsparkjoy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doesitsparkjoy/gifts).

Elizabeth Strider realizes that she is not Elizabeth nor a she when she is 11 years old after meeting a group of internet friends, several of whom identify as something called "LGBT", a term that she's never really heard before, growing up in urban Texas. Sure, she's heard of gays and lesbians and to a lesser degree even heard of bisexuals and transgenders, but they're usually referred to by the umbrella term of "fags" or, in nicer places where she lives, just "gays". She's always been told that they're a tiny group who should either be actively shamed (this has never really made sense to her; she doesn't know why it's any of her business) or, in the same nicer places where they're only called the "gays", just quietly ignored. They can live their lives as long as they're not so damn loud about it.

But she meets John Egbert, Jade Harley, and Rose Lalonde, and they tell her all about the gay pride parades in New York City and how Jade's grandpa was there visiting his first boyfriend during Stonewall, and then they tell her all about what the hell Stonewall is. John tells her that he's not gay or anything, but basically all of his friends are somewhere along the spectrum, and then he's very patient while Elizabeth asks all about how sexuality can be a "spectrum" because either you like boys or you like girls or you like both.

Rose helps her come to terms with the fact that she doesn't really feel comfortable in her body, and in fact she hates everything about it except for maybe the fact that she's only an A cup and there are already girls at her middle school who have D cups, and helps her settle on the name "Dave" instead of Elizabeth when she's 13 (for the two years before that, he uses Eli, but it doesn't really feel like him). It takes her a while to come to terms with using he/him pronouns, and even longer to cope with the cognitive dissonance of being a girl at home and at school but being a boy on the internet, but eventually he accepts that this is his life.

Dave decides to come out to his brother during the summer between 8th grade and his freshman year of high school, begs him to put the right name for him on the enrollment form, and sure Bro doesn't do it before his freshman year but he does put "David" for his sophomore year even if Dave doesn't really think of "David" as his full name (it's what Rose had recommended, after her grandfather or something, but it had felt somehow too formal for him).

John buys him his first binder for his sixteenth birthday, and he's grateful for the stupid sunglasses that John got him three birthdays before so no one can see the tears in his eyes in the selfies he sends to the group chat with their constantly expanding online friend group when he tries it on for the first time. He never made it past a B cup, but that didn't mean the dysphoria associated with his chest wasn't crippling, especially when he entered highschool and the gross boys around him were constantly commenting on it without realizing that he was one of them. People comment less now, but not that much less.

Karkat asks him out when he's in the middle of his junior year, and his brain short-circuits when he reads the message.

He's only dated a handful of people, and he's the one who started each of those. He asked John out when they were fourteen, but John had politely reminded him that he loved him like a brother, but he was still straight. Honestly, he doesn't think it could have gone better. Dating John would have been a nightmare, looking back on it. He and Jade dated for a couple of months when they were fourteen but ultimately decided they were better as friends, since their "dating" didn't really change anything about their dynamic except that their conversations ended with ":*" instead of ":)". A boy at his school asked him out near the end of sophomore year and they dated almost the whole summer before the boy tried to pressure him into sleeping with him and accidentally revealed he'd thought of him as his girlfriend the whole time.

It's even more startling because he's known Karkat since they were thirteen and _he's_ only dated one person-- Terezi-- and it ended because _Dave_ kind of stole her. They lasted almost six whole months, just broke up a month and a half ago, which is another one of the now piling reasons that he's completely shook by the question and kind of thinks he shouldn't go for it.

He says yes.

Why wouldn't he say yes?

He doesn't tell Bro about the fact that he's dating Karkat because he's never told his brother about the fact that he was dating anyone-- even Terezi, despite that being his longest-lasting relationship, and a straight one to boot. He's afraid of the reaction no matter what the gender of the person he dates is.

Now it's almost the end of his senior year and he's still dating Karkat and that relationship is still a secret which was going fine except Karkat didn't know it was a secret and now his mom has some business trip to Houston for a week and he and all of his crazy ass siblings are coming with and his family wants to have dinner with Dave and Bro and he has no reason to get out of it so he just says yes but that means that he has to talk to his Bro about it and--

Maybe he's panicking a little bit.

Every time he goes into the living room to talk to his Bro about it his palms get all sweaty and he starts hyperventilating which is really bad to do in a binder so he just turns on his heels and marches right back to his bedroom, puts headphones, and blares Childish Gambino so he can't hear the rest of the world, staring in a daze out the window of his bedroom at the crow that sits on the windowsill with a neat rock and quarter. Dave left them out for it, because he loves crows and he knows that if he leaves offerings then they'll keep coming back because they're smart and dope like that.

Karkat's family arrives on Friday morning. He meets Karkat at a McDonald's between his apartment and the airport after school (but mostly it's just 10 minutes away from his apartment) and they hold hands while eating Bic Macs and chicken nugs and watching stupid YouTube videos on Dave's phone and it's perfect. Dave sips on a large Coke and Karkat keeps making faces at him. When the food is all done and they've watched everything on Dave's Watch Later list, he swallows nervously and glances around the McDonald's. It's almost eleven at night by then, so the only other people in the place are one _very_ exhausted single mom with her toddler who's insistently trying to drag her toward the Play Place before they've even ordered and a group of stoners who are way too absorbed in counting the large flakes of salt on their fries.

"So, uh..." He starts. "Your family wanted to do dinner on Sunday evening?" He asks, trying not to sound too anxious despite how his voice cracks on "dinner".

"Yeah, but if that doesn't work for your Bro then I'm sure they wouldn't mind rescheduling to some other time during the week. It'd have to be a little bit later because Mom works until 9:00 during the weekdays, but your family doesn't normally even eat dinner so I'm sure that wouldn't be too much of a problem if those were the days of the week that worked for you," he answers casually, like he didn't even notice the voice crack. Then again, they are just 18-year-olds, and John's voice hasn't stopped cracking in every sentence.

Dave swallows and begins to drum his fingers against the table. "Uh, y-yeah, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow I guess. I don't actually know like, what he does? But I think his schedule is pretty flexible."

"How do you not know what he does?" Karkat snorts, and Dave smiles a little wobbly and shrugs. Karkat glances at his own phone and when he sees that the time is 11:17 he flinches. "Fuck, you should probably get home, huh? Your brother'll kick your ass for being out so late already."

"Nah, he doesn't give a shit," he dismisses, and hopes this isn't worse. He's never been sure.

He doesn't end up talking to his brother. Of course he doesn't. He doesn't even know how to start that conversation. 'Hey Bro, I've had a secret boyfriend for the last like year and a half that I was too nervous to tell you about and now his family is in town for the week and they wanna have dinner with us. Oh, when? Like, two hours from now.' He just paces nervously in his room and hopes his brother won't be home, and Karkat's family won't make too big a deal about a last minute cancellation, and then he can try to stall through the rest of the week from there. He doesn't have a game plan, but when has he _ever_ had a game plan? He's basically the master of winging it. The sicknasty king of improvisation.

His front door opens and closes loudly, indicating his brother had a tough day at... work? Or whatever it is he does all day. Dave looks at the clock. 7:37. Shit. Karkat will be here in like ten minutes and his Bro will be here at the same time and everything is going to fall apart. Karkat is going to hate him for lying to his brother and think that _Dave _hates _him_ and that's why he didn't tell Bro they were dating and he's gonna break up with him and--

He hears a knock, muffled by the fact that it's through his door but loud enough that he can hear it through his own door anyway which indicates that it's surely Karkat, who has so much anger in such a small body. He scrambles out of his room and sprints to the door so he can answer it before his Bro does, which is really a bad move because _ouch, running in his binder while already panicking sucks and he really needs to get a new one of these things_.

"You're early," he says, hoping that his shades will hide how wide and bewildered his eyes are. Karkat just nods a little, furrowing his eyebrows. He swallows. "Right. Uh. Well, my Bro just got home, so he needs a little time to get ready and--"

"Dave, who's at the door?!" His brother calls, and Dave tries not to flinch. Karkat smiles a bit and pushes past Dave, clearly not getting the message Dave is trying to telepathically send him that _this isn't happening, this can't happen, go away, oh God, please go away._ Bro is sitting on the couch, legs spread far apart as he slouches so much his back is practically laying against the ass of the chair. "Who the fuck is this?" He asks when he sees Karkat, raising an eyebrow between them.

"This is--"

"Karkat. I'm Dave's boyfriend," he says, and Dave's heart lurches in his chest. _He just said it. He told him._

His Bro squints for a second and then sits up. "Karkat's a weird name," he says casually. "You drink, Karkat?" He asks, getting up from his recliner and going to the kitchen, presumably to get himself a beer like he does whenever he... actually, Dave doesn't know what triggers it.

"No, sir," Karkat says, not seeming intimidated so much as needlessly formal. He suspects his brother must have drilled something into him before he headed over here. "I'm only 18. I'm not old enough to drink, sir."

"Never stopped me or my friends," Bro calls back, shrugging, but he only grabs the one beer. He pops the cap off and takes a sip. Dave makes a face for him imagining the bitterness of it. Bro looks between the two of them for a minute silently, apparently thinking of what to say. Dave supposes this _is_ a lot to process for him. Finally, he settles on, "So I guess you're a girl again, huh Beth?"

His stomach twists and he winces. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Karkat's fist clench angrily at his side. "Please don't call me that, Bro," he says, voice wavering as he already fights to hold back tears. "I'm not a girl, I'm just--"

"Well you've gotta be a girl again," Bro cuts him off, and he takes in a sharp breath. "Because there's no way you can be a tranny and a faggot," he says, and then takes a long sip of his beer. Karkat opens his mouth as though to angrily say something, but Bro sends him a sharp look, puts his beer bottle down on the countertop, and says, "I mean, I _know_ there's no way. I can't share blood with some fucking faggot. Can you imagine how pissed Dad would be if he was still alive? He'd have screamed his head off at you." Dave squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn't have to see that awful condescending look on his brother's face.

"I should be thanking this Karkat kid for fucking fixing you, Beth. I shoulda kicked your ass when you were fourteen, tryin' to convince me that you were a boy now and you wanted to go by 'Dave'. Stupid name, by the way." There's a second of silence and Dave can only imagine the expression his Bro's face as he feels warm tears starting to spill down his cheeks. He doesn't bother to open his eyes as he swipes at the tears. "See. Emotional just like a fucking girl. If you were a real man you wouldn't be crying right now. If you want me to take you seriously you should--"

"I didn't fucking fix anything, asshole." Karkat finally interrupts, glaring at him. Bro just raises his eyebrows back at him. "He's a guy. And he didn't magically become a boy when he was fourteen just because that's when he came out to you. And men can cry, you toxic ass piece of shit. God I wish my brother were here. He'd waste two entire hours on you, just going off about homophobia and transphobia and sexism and the lot of it. I'd even be willing to listen to him go off if it meant I didn't have to listen to your disgusting shit. C'mon, Dave, let's go."

"If you go out that door you'd better not come back in, Beth," Bro says, and Dave cracks open his eyes to stare up in terror at him.

His brother's eyes are narrowed, glaring between him and Karkat, and Karkat's fists are both clenched at his sides. Dave has always known that Karkat was an angry person, ranting at any poor idiot in the comments section on a YouTube video who happened to disagree with him, but he doesn't think he's ever seen him this truly pissed off. Sniffing, he wipes at his eyes again and rushes to his bedroom, grabbing the suitcase his brother got him two years ago when they'd gone on vacation to New Zealand for the whole summer (and he'd met Jade in person, which was exciting). He plugs a USB into his computer and starts copying as many of the files on it as he can to it, and then starts stuffing as much of his clothing and personal possessions into the suitcase as he can. Maybe a third of the files have actually made it onto the USB when he pulls it out, and he wipes at his snotty nose and then stomps out into the living room. "Come on Karkat. Let's go. Let's just leave," he pleads. He doesn't need to be told twice.

Karkat holds his hand all the way down to the stairs, all the way to his ratty old car, and pulls him in for a tight hug while he sobs into his shoulder because he's never stood up to his brother about anything before and now he's homeless and he doesn't know where to go. "Come to California with me," Karkat murmurs into his hair.

"I don't have a plane ticket," Dave answers, because pointing out that that's an insane idea is far from his mind when he was just kicked out of his home. He'll take any option he's offered.

"So we'll drive. We'll take this baby all the way back to San Francisco. Sure, it'll be hot as balls and it'll fucking suck, but if it means you're safe and with me then I don't care," he says, and Dave just sobs louder into his shoulder in answer. "Plus, there's like a million LGBTQA+ people in California, you'll fit right in," he adds, and Dave lets out a weak, wet little laugh. Karkat puts his hands on his cheeks and brings his face up to look at him, and he kisses him for a long second even though his face is all hot and his nose is running and he's undoubtedly gonna get snot on Karkat's face, which is like, _super_ gross. When he pulls away, he looks at Dave with the softest grey eyes. "I love you," he says, in that way that says he doesn't really expect a response because he knows Dave's mind is too occupied with his own shit. "Let's go to dinner."


End file.
